Hi, I'm A Rapper

Hi, I'm a rapper and I'm becoming suicidal.  Why?  Why not?

Maybe many of my updates have become less entertaining and more jaded this year, however, can you really blame me?  I'm a unique genius who finds so much wrong with the world around me and no means to change it.  Hell, I can't even get my music heard by the ordinary casual listener.  Some "great emcee" I've turned out to be, right?  It's sad, I know.

I try to be the best man I can be.  I do as much as I can for those important to me, even if I sacrifice the food on my own plate for them, and I seem to receive nothing in return.  I'm not looking for monetary compensation for my efforts, or a wild night, or gifts, or anything of the sort.  I'm looking for support and a binding friendship in return, that's all.  I find that next to impossible to find.


What I find instead is betrayal and disappointment.  I stay up all night worried about the next deadline I need to meet while trying to handle all of my affairs on my own.  I can't even trust some of my "closest friends" to help me keep everything organize, keep me properly informed of things that matter to me, or simply listen to my music.  Why is it I'm so selfless but always the bottom priority...if I make the list at all?  These people never hesitate to come to me when they've encountered a problem, however, I'm the last person they think about when good things occur.

I feel like the world's most insignificant son of a bitch.  I'm good to keep around for entertainment, I'm a reliable source of knowledge and wisdom, I'm supportive, I'm caring...I treat others as I would have them treat me.  Is it so wrong to expect the same in return? 

If I go out of my way to do something for you so that you may accomplish your goals or come one step closer to bringing your dreams to fruition, shouldn't you do the same for me when I genuinely NEED you?  That's why I'm down.  I'd spend the time listing all the answers to that question but it would be absolutely pointless.  All the readers would do is look for a way to demonize or discredit my claims, however, I know the truth because I'm the witness.  I know what I've read and been told and I don't need someone telling me I misinterpreted the conversations.

The truth is my feelings are completely justifiable.  I don't matter.  Currently I'm unaware of whether I should bid this world farewell or keep pushing until I achieve what I've set out to do only to turn my back on everyone I've met along the way.  What I AM aware of is that bottle of zinc sitting "innocently" on my dresser.  Everyone knows too much zinc in a single dose is deadly...well...I have half a bottle and a lot of water.

I'm tired of being sick and I'm sick of being tired.  I'm entirely too stressed and I'm not covering any ground with the masses on my road to acquiring a deal for myself and my label.  I can't even invest in it anymore!  I'm completely out of money! lol Still, even with no food in my refrigerator "they" keep demanding and begging for free work, gifts, and money.  Such cruelty.

Suicide isn't selfish.

People are.

And I'd rather rule in hell than burn on Earth.

My mind is mad deep and you've just jumped in.  If I don't make the news I'm still alive.