I feel like I'm lacking in motivation as of late, yes, the intelligent thug is, once again, at a low. Things aren't really going well at work, money is tight, and lack of funds have my personal affairs in ruins. No matter how well I perform I can't seem to get ahead [He works hard, people...]. You'd think by now these hard economic times would be over but they aren't.
Honestly, I'm glad I've managed to make it this far but these trying times hardly seem worthy of the effort. It's always easy to say, "Things could always be worse," but you're saying that to an over achiever. I'm a man who thinks things could always be better...if you know the right people [True story...].
I find myself struggling to sleep at night with no one worried about how I'm doing until they hear my voice. However, things tend to get worse before they get better because I'm not good at reaching out. I haven't made any progress with my script because I've been busy working on this Haiti Relief Fund and dealing with problems at work. It seems trouble always follows me to every new location [Like that kid in this comic called 666 Satan...].
I've decided to make a pact with myself...if things haven't progressed by the end of April I will destroy everything and start over. This means the end of my rap career, quitting my job, removing myself from my other businesses, just starting from scratch. Obviously my format isn't working anymore.
I've been out of work since Monday and I'm depressed about it. I should be getting a new job by this weekend [I hope...] which would be more stressful but I'll make good money. It pays to be able to return to reliable employers even IF they make you lose your hair. Truth is, I love them though...in such harsh times they show me I truly do have friends. Not that I have no other friends because I do, I just can't put all my eggs in a single basket.
In other news, my younger blood related brother just got a vehicle. I'd like to say congratulations to Jeffery Marshall, my younger brother whom I'm very proud of. We may not always get along but I still love him all the same. For those who'd like to know, he'll be the first of the litter to finish college and with a degree I might add [no autographs ladies...]. I'd also like to ask all the Google Gurus to please respect his privacy, unless you're offering him a career in law or business and it doesn't involve a pyramid.
Moving on and cutting myself off, it's 5 am here and I've had the most beautiful epiphany of my life [And that is???]. I've somehow forgotten my purpose, the very reason God placed me on this Earth. It's not about religion or politics...matching wits with other geniuses or belittling myself for those too closed-minded to see the beauty of their intelligence. I was put here for my love of music. The gift of musical talent was bestowed upon me so that I may make it. That is my power.
I've let the political world of Hip Hop cloud my mind and darken my expressions. It has worn away my spirit and deteriorated my soul. As I've wasted a third of my life I am forced to submit to my initial programming...to enjoy creating the art. I must accept my ability for what it is...me. I pledge to put down these cartons of cigarettes, remove myself from the whiles of the world, and put my thoughts into song.
The passion I once lost has quickly and abruptly returned. For my absence I apologize.
I've taken the liberty of adding some links to my reminders at the bottom of this post. Listen to their passion...they truly believe what their singing. Following their examples I shall share my gifts with you. To start, a description is necessary. Lyricism isn't my only talent...I have a voice I've hidden for years due to shame and lifestyle.
I've been discouraged by others and afraid my "surroundings" won't accept a gift I couldn't control receiving. I lost my passion and turned my back on it viewing Hip Hop as my only outlet. I was wrong. Drake has shown me how weak an artist I allowed myself to become. My past doesn't determine how I use my voice, my future does [Meditate on that one...].
Hello, world, I've returned...and this time I've brought my soul. Have me whole or have me not.
My mind is mad deep and you just jumped in.
Ready For Love
Beautiful Surprise
I'm Yours
Lucky
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